Diary of an Introvert written by Jeannette Mambo

Sunday, August 09, 2015 N. R. 0 Comments

“I am a very private person, yet I am an open book. If you don’t ask… I won’t tell.
Big crowds and small talk, are two things that I absolutely despise, and I think that anyone who is an introvert can relate. I prefer small gatherings and one-on-one chats to large parties. Yet, I'd like to believe that I'm a social butterfly and an expressive person but the truth is, I am not. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy human interactions. I do. I just don’t like small talk. I find that it creates a barrier between people.
However, bring up something interesting and I can talk for hours. I like deep, meaningful conversations. Talk to me about yourself, where you’ve been, tell me about your biggest fears, your goals, and your dreams. Talk to me about life. Something raw. Whenever I’m somewhere with a lot of people, I tend to shut down a little and just observe. I listen carefully and notice the little things; the details that most people miss. Although, to be honest, in these moments I’m wishing that I was at home. I’d rather be at home with a close friend or two, or with my family. This is why I enjoy writing and blogging, because it is my outlet. When I write I can be authentic, and vulnerable, and let my thoughts run free. I admit to being closed off at times. Almost too closed off some would say, but the good thing is that my life is pretty private except for what I chose to share with you guys. The bad, well... it’s harder for me to open up when it comes to friendships and relationships. It took me four years to open up to my best friend. God bless her soul for sticking around, she knows, and I have come to the realization that I am not perfect, nobody is. 
We all have flaws and this is one of mine. I consider it a flaw because it is such a barrier for me. Sometimes it can get very frustrating when you have things to say but you don’t say them because it’s easier to keep them to yourself. I may not say much about what I see, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a lot to say, and just because I don’t voice an opinion doesn’t mean that I don’t have one. It can take me some time to voice my thoughts on a topic, but that is because I don’t feel comfortable drawing conclusions unless I have a fair bit of information about the subject or issue. Moreover, I’m an observer. I prefer to stand on the sidelines in a new situation, and suss out the context, and the way everyone else is interacting with each other. As introverts we have quiet personalities, and are very observant, and as a result we are far more analytical that extroverts. This ability to notice the minutia of detail that most people never seem to notice is thrilling! Isn't it? It feels like a superpower sometimes!
So, even though there are aspects of my personality that make it hard for me to share my thoughts with people, and feel at ease in a large crowd I recognize that for every downside, there is an upside, and I find peace and comfort in that. No matter what, I will always strive for growth, and push myself to step outside of my comfort zone. I want to live, and experience as much as I can, and enjoy those experiences so that I can have memories to hold on to. At times I am not the most courageous person, but I will not let moments pass me by that I will regret. That's why I've had to become my own superhero. I have to fight my fears myself, because I want to be the bravest person for myself."

— Signed, Jeanne. Xo

Written by Jeannette Mambo. Image: Jeannette Mambo.